1 00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,545 (girl) IF SOMEONE ASKED ME THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:05,047 BETWEEN THE SUBURBS AND MANHATTAN, 3 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:06,465 I WOULD HAVE TO SAY IT'S THE MOMS. 4 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,508 IT'S LIKE THE MILLION MOM MARCH. 5 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,719 THE PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH THEM. 6 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,512 THEY'RE IN THE MALLS. 7 00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:14,556 THEY'RE AT THE ROCK CONCERTS. 8 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,183 THEY'RE SHUFFLING OUT OF THE TANNING SALONS 9 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,726 IN THEIR MANI-PEDI FLIP-FLOPS 10 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,478 WITH THEIR EVER-PRESENT DAUGHTERS 11 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,855 AND ENORMOUS FROZEN COFFEE DRINKS. 12 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,900 NOW THE WHOLE MOM THING IS A LITTLE FOREIGN TO ME. 13 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:27,736 MY MOM DUCKED OUT SHORTLY AFTER THEY CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD, 14 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,738 SO HAVING GROWN UP WITH JUST MY DAD 15 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,406 REALLY MADE ME WONDER. 16 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,076 (man) ♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪ 17 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,203 ♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪ 18 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,203 ♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪ 19 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,163 ♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪ 20 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,874 WHAT IS IT WITH THESE MOTHERS? 21 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,376 ♪ GANGSTER MUSIC, IT JUST DON'T STOP ♪ 22 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,961 THEY'RE PEOPLE, OKAY? 23 00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,545 JUST LIKE YOU AND ME. 24 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,589 (girl) THINGS HAD BEEN A LITTLE TENSE BETWEEN US 25 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,216 SINCE THE UNAUTHORIZED SEARCH AND SEIZURE 26 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,717 DAD CONDUCTED IN MY ROOM. 27 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,219 FIRST HE SEARCHED, 28 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,430 THEN HE HAD A TOTAL SEIZURE. 29 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,641 HE PULLED ME OUT OF SCHOOL, BUBBLE-WRAPPED MY LIFE, 30 00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,936 AND THREW IT IN THE BACK OF A MOVING TRUCK. 31 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,479 I WENT FROM HERE... 32 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,690 GOOD-BYE, WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK. 33 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:08,193 GOOD-BYE, SEXUALLY ACTIVE CLASSMATES. 34 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,612 TO HERE. 35 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:16,201 PRETTY IRONIC THAT A BOX FULL OF RUBBERS 36 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:19,246 LANDED ME IN A TOWN FULL OF PLASTIC. 37 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,542 WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU CALL THAT? 38 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,253 CIRCUS PEANUT? 39 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,088 OR MAYBE IT'S MORE IN THE VOMIT FAMILY. 40 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,048 WELL, I GUESS THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU ATE, 41 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,509 MAYBE... LOBSTER BISQUE. 42 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,094 NO. NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT 43 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,431 YOUR BASIC, RUN-OF-THE-MILL, STOMACH ACID VOMIT. 44 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,599 UH-HUH. 45 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,599 THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT, ISN'T IT? 46 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,560 WHY DON'T YOU GRAB YOUR BAG 47 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,980 AND GO CRITICIZE THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE? 48 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,607 ♪♪♪ 49 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,319 YOO-HOO! NEIGHBOR! 50 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,820 YOO-HOO! 51 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,238 YOO-HOO! 52 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,824 HIYA, NEIGHBOR. I'M SHEILA. 53 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:59,286 ARE YOU THE NEW FAMILY FROM NEW YORK? 54 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,912 NICE. 55 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:04,833 WHAT? YOU TAUGHT ME NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS. 56 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,296 COME ON IN. THIS IS IT. 57 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,131 HUH? 58 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,759 IT'S PRETTY BIG, RIGHT? BIGGER THAN YOUR ROOM IN THE CITY. 59 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,344 CAN YOU PICTURE YOURSELF 60 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:18,096 LIVING A-A NORMAL, ADOLESCENT EXISTENCE HERE? 61 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,890 I DON'T KNOW. 62 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,558 IT'S KIND OF GIRLIE. 63 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,976 WELL, YOU'RE A GIRL. 64 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,897 YEAH, BUT I'M NOT A CAT CLOCK KIND OF GIRL. 65 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:30,150 WHAT IF YOU ARE A CAT CLOCK KIND OF GIRL 66 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,651 AND YOU JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET? 67 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,236 YEAH. 68 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,113 I'M NOT. 69 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,329 THE NEXT MORNING, I WAS STARTLED AWAKE 70 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,081 BY AN UNFAMILIAR SOUND... 71 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,081 (gasps) 72 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,958 NO GARBAGE TRUCKS, NO TAXI CABS, 73 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,336 NO CAR ALARMS? 74 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,879 SILENCE.